The 14 Best Lessons I've Learned from my Dad
Today we’re celebrating my dad’s birthday and I figured the best way to celebrate someone goes far beyond wishing them well but sharing with other why they’re just so wonderful. I can easily say I got the luckiest of all with my dad. It hasn’t always been ideal or easy but he’s never not put my brother and I first and that kind of sacrifice isn’t something any parent has to do let alone is inclined to. We’ve had some of the best times together from playing in the summers outside to teaching my all about baseball and softball. There’s a lot I love about my dad but I think the thing I love most is his kind heart and wisdom. He’s taught me some of my most important lessons that I still try to follow and live by. Today, I’m sharing 14 of the most important!
Teaching yourself how to do or make things is both important and rewarding! Growing up my dad was always making things - benches, shelves and swings for us to play on. He was also always teaching himself new things about landscaping, home improvement and often would see a project and make it a reality. When I was little I saw this as a little annoying sometimes - we always helped take on our near acre of yard work - but now that I’m older I realize my sense of Do It Yourself wouldn’t have happened without this. While it can be important to outsource like for safety or practicality, learning to enjoy doing things yourself or teaching your self a new skill is important and incredibly rewarding!
There is reward in hard work. If you know me you know I’m your typical type-A grinder. My work ethic is often something I’m complimented on and in all fairness it isn’t always great or ideal - I’ve been burnt out, tied my self worth to how hard I can work and more but, there is reward in working hard towards something and I absolutely learned this from my dad. From pushing me to practice for my spelling tests I wasn’t very good at to working over and over to improve my swing, hard work - to date- has paid off and I’m thankful to have been raised by someone who supported and pushed for the importance of resilience.
It is ok and important to take mental health days. My first mental health day I took was in second or third grade. Despite growing up in a tough-love home my dad ALWAYS knew when to prioritize my mental health. It was no means normal back in the 2000’s to keep your kid home for a sick day to get through a mental health episode and probably still isn’t now. Thankfully, because he made sure I was accommodated for as a child I never questioned taking them later in life as I got older or supporting friends, peers and colleagues when they needed one or many. If you’re still not sure if these are important, I promise you they are.
The best music is from the 50’s - 70’s. I grew up raised on the classics & the greats - Beatles, Stones, Dylan, Hendrix, Grateful Dead, Elton John, Queen, and so so many more. To me, these eras in music are so much more than the best sounds and lyrics but pieces of my childhood. I’m thankful my dad has really good taste in music - I hope I’ve been able to have half as good a taste and share that with my kids!
There is power in vulnerability. There are a few times in my life my dad has been really open with me- maybe not always on purpose - but those times were very impressionable. Those times were some of the first times I was really seeing my dad as a person all on his own, a person just like me. The difference between our parents as people and parents can be really hard to understand, after all, that’s really what we know them as our whole lives. Either way, in understanding that those moments of vulnerability let me see him really, I started realizing trusting our vulnerability with people allows them to really see us when it matters and that is incredibly important in self growth and deepening relationships with those who matter.
Once a hard ass isn’t always a hard ass. If you know me you know I can be quite to the point with pretty high expectations of myself and others. A lot of this came from how I was raised and it certainly isn’t all perfect but it is what it is. Dad raised us with pretty strict expectations - not in the typical ways - having to look a certain way, making our beds perfectly or anything like that. We were raised strict in the way of manners, common courtesy, prioritizing kindness and working hard in sports, school and the like. At certain parts of my life I definitely would have said my dad was a hard ass. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized things change and you’re not always good or bad or something in between - just doing your best and who you are can always change.
Sharing isn’t always caring While I wouldn’t say I have a totally gossipy family - the kind where everything is a big mess with petty drama and constant chaos, I can’t say everyone really understood what it meant to keep some things private for the sake of people or relationships. This was something my dad was always vocal about - keeping some things, the important things, private. Some news, complications or struggles don’t need to be shared amongst siblings, parents, children. Now, to be clear this isn’t the hush hush mess that’s kept families in unhealthy situations- it’s super important to talk about things enabling that! Rather, petty drama with children, spouses and the like. Growing up in that - seeing how blind it left people to reality - I’ver certainly learned how important it is to keep things between the people involved and not twisted rumors throughout the family.
You should try something multiple times before you can make a decision on it. This piece of wisdom came from my hatred of carrots - to this day I still won’t eat them- but essentially he would always tell me you have to try it 12 times just to be sure. While I think this was a random number to get me to eat my veggies, it’s something that’s proved true at least in terms of hobbies and food! If it weren’t for this rule I wouldn’t like half the veggies I do now and some other things. Still using this to try to like beer but… TBD there.
Work hard, play hard. When we were growing up, we spent summer days not at camps helping around the yard clearing trees, landscaping and more. It was HARD work- like honestly exhausting work that makes me pretty set on never owning tons and tons of land to maintain. After these long, hot days of work we always ended them running in the sprinkler or with the slip-n-slide. A pretty childish version of work hard, play hard but it kinda stuck. Not to say I’m way more work hard and play kinda now, but the idea at least is a good one.
Common courtesy might not be common but it should be something you have. This might just be from our good ole Midwest/Southern values but common courtesy was a huge thing growing up. Saying please, thank you, excuse me. Holding the door for others or letting someone check out before you at the store. These small things are something - amongst others- I don’t think a ton of people posses now but I’m thankful they’re something made important in my life. I’d always rather be the person who waved or smiled or held the door than the one who didn’t.
Learn to let things go. To this day I am the worst at letting things go but wow has my dad forever always said - let it go. Typically this was the small stuff - silly childish arguments with my brother or some mean girl at school- but it plays out more importantly especially as you get older. There’s a lot of stuff to sweat - I think right now more than ever we all know that. For the stuff you can let go - do. It weighs on your heart and typically only ends up hurting you so if you can, letting it go lets go of burdens you have no need to carry.
Hate is a strong word (and heavy on your heart) When we were little there weren’t a lot of words we got in trouble for using, but if we said hate - that was a no go. Not even “I hate carrots” or something silly like that. No matter how big or small, hate was a bad word. A bad word for you and the thing, place or person you were using it against. Similar to letting things go, hatred weighs on your heart. I never really understood this saying until I got older but essentially, hatred is heavy. To dislike something so much - no matter how much you ought to - it really just hurts you, not the thing you dislike.
Don’t f*ck with Ouija boards. A special thing between my dad and I is our love of horror movies and other spooky or scary things. I watched my first R rated scary movie with my dad so we both have a pretty big love for all things spooky. That being said, spooky things in real life are a no-go. Will I watch a movie about an exorcism- yes. Would I ever mess with that sort of evil? Oh HELL no. Here’s why. My dad grew up all around the Southern United States - the Carolinas, Virginia, Kentucky - and given that some of that was during the start to Satanic Panic, I kinda get his story. More or less, back then it was pretty common for people to have ouija boards- it would be nestled next to your other games like Monopoly. Well, one day at church my dads pastor did a bit on Satanic Panic and how important it was if you owned a ouija board to go home immediately and burn it. Naturally, that’s what my grandma did. According to my dad they got home, took it out to the end of their drive way and burned it. Now, to be clear my dad isn’t superstitious. In fact he’s one of the most logical and fact-based people I know. But, to this day he swears he heard screams and voices come out of that thing while it burned. From the first time hearing that story until now, I’ve never touched one, never lived in a home with one (I seriously refused to live with people that messed with that stuff) and don’t plan that to change any time soon!
Don’t half ass things. Whether it’s your lunch, a project for school or work, a hobby or something else - don’t half ass it. In a world full of people who cut corners be the person who goes above and beyond. Not only will you get the satisfaction of doing something amazing - yes, even your sandwich can be amazing- you also know the work you’re doing is thought out and not done carelessly. Additionally- at least from my experience - if you don’t half ass things you will find parts of life in schooling or work where your version of half assing is everyone’s normal so you can feel like you’re doing less when in reality you’re doing just fine.
