Earlier this year I came across Taylor Swift’s “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30” article in Elle Magazine and I’ve had it on my mind ever since. With it being my own birthday today, I wanted to share 23 things I’ve learned before 23 in a similar fashion, and hopefully this little list of mine can hold at least half as much wisdom & inspiration with you as hers did with me!

Busy IS a decision. Growing up I certainly did all sorts of things but come high school and especially college I was always doing something. Whether that be studying for perfect grades, attending (later running) meetings, working on some new passion project, participating in events & seminars - I was (and am) almost always busy. Initially after college I though busy was a badge of honor - like being able to say “I’m just so busy” made me extra special or as amazing as I’d hoped to be. The matter of the fact here is that being busy isn’t really all that special at all and as you get older you’ll come to find most of us are. What’s important here is that your busy is fulfilling & purposeful - not just something you mention to seem whatever it is you think being busy esteems you to be. There’s no shame in being busy, but really taking time to figure out if that busy is serving you & those/what you love matters.

You ARE entitled to your sick days. I really don’t give a damn what anyone has to say about this otherwise - I’m calling BS on anyone who says you aren’t. The culture & expectation many of us were raised in to stick it out at the office or school if we’re sick (physical, mental, etc) is a bunch of Boomer/Bootstrap BS that needs! to! go! If you’ve earned sick time - take it! Use those precious hours to take care of yourself, do something exciting, etc. No one will ever be on their death bed wishing that wouldn’t have taken their EARNED time off but I can guarantee they’ll regret missing out on time that could have been spent outside the office.

Not everyone will like you. Whether it be peers, friends, co-workers, etc - not everyone will like you and this (though hard to understand at a younger age IMO) is totally ok! You - nor anyone - is meant to be for EVERYONE. Our Lord & Savior Jenna Kutcher talks about the concept of “repelling” a lot and as much as it applies to business it also should and does apply to all other aspects of our lives! Repelling means making it easier to find those & connect with those we attract. If and when you can - focus on that. That’s where all the good stuff is anyways.

NEVER stop learning. I don’t care if you’re one of those people who swears they hate school or learning - you need to keep growing that brain of yours! That can mean learning or developing skills (graphic design, a musical instrument, hobbies, crafts, etc.), traveling, reading, writing, or really just about anything that challenges you or invites you into a new smidge of understanding yourself, this world & those you share it with. For me, I have always loved school and academics especially and when I was done college and moved into my first “real” job I struggled. My brain felt like mush & like I wasn’t doing anything meaningful with it (something I considered to be incredibly brilliant if I do say so myself) so I made a switch. I decided to learn graphic design, social media analytic analysis and more. THIS got me through some of the toughest times in that job and propelled me into what I’m doing now. NEVER. STOP. LEARNING.

A bad day IS NOT equal to a bad life. While I haven’t talked about this much on here, I think this is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my whole life so here I am. A little over two years ago I survived the mass shooting in Las Vegas at the Route 91 Country Music festival alongside one of my best friends & mom. While I find no need to give you a play by play, in the moment I was calm & the true trauma of it all didn’t hit me until almost 6 months later when my dad and I got stranded on the side of the mountains in Northern California. In that moment - and many other moments of trauma, panic attacks, anxiety attacks and more - I found myself thinking I had this bad, difficult life. Carrying the burden of surviving - not making enough of myself in the memory of those who can’t - feeling stupid and silly for how I had flashbacks at the slightest loud noise. What I came to understand through a very difficult trauma is that having a bad day will never mean you have a bad life. Never.

Pick your battles. Growing up my mom said this all.the.time. and I HATED it. I don’t know it I hated it because it didn’t really work for my inquisitive, confrontational personality or if because I knew when I was older I would agree with her - but I hated it. Now that I’m older, I can tell you she was right. As much as I love arguing & debating - going one to one with people on just about anything - it’s freaking exhausting and drains energy in way you just don’t need. Plus, it can really weigh on your relationships. Learning to pick your battles helps you prioritize relationships and learn to fight for the important stuff.

It’s no one’s job but your own to put yourself first.I’m probably the worst about putting myself first in certain ways but I have also been in certain situations - friendships, collaborations, family experiences, and so on where I decided to put me first and it was something I had to decide to do. It sure isn’t always comfortable - in fact, it usually is awfully uncomfortable - but you’re in charge of this & that’s damn important.

If you have an opinion, be educated. Now more than ever it seems like just about everyone has an opinion about something or another. As someone with both educational, personal and professional experiences in government, politics, and related fields I couldn’t say how important it is to be educated and informed on what you have an opinion on. I don’t care if you’ve never read an article a day in your life or have never spoken to someone affected by what you have an opinion on - you need to. You MUST educate yourself and make sure whatever opinions you decide to put out there - online, over dinner, etc. are informed & educated ones.

You don’t have to finish just because you start. Growing up I was always told you have to finish what you start. I know to some extent this is to give a human the concept of commitment, follow through, etc. but as an adult there have been many times this mindset was incredibly toxic. Whether it was staying friends with someone for too long, staying in leadership of an organization that was mostly BS, or sticking out a program not meant for me - I killed myself because I didn’t want to quit. In reality, “quitting” ended up being the best thing I did for myself.

Be nice to your skin. I never had any skin issues growing up outside of some sports related acne in the summers from softball but as soon as I moved to Arizona & got off Birth Control my skin freaked!out! I had to totally do a 180 and give a shit about when/how/with what I took care of my skin with. You don’t have to have every million dollar product but finding what works for you through trial & error, help from a dermatologist or recos from a trusted source take this stuff seriously!

Realize your shit & work on it. We all have trauma & shit we need to work on. Bad habits, childhood issues, family issues - the list goes on. While we all can acknowledge this aspect of the human experience, we also need to acknowledge how important it is to work on it. Don’t get me wrong - a lot of resources are not available to all and to even have the option to work through many of these things is a privileged- but if this a privilege you are afforded and/or can provide to others - do the most with it! Seek counseling and/or therapy & encouraging & normalizing it with those you know!

Relationships aren’t forever but they’re important. Having graduated college & in some ways who I was during college there have been friendships, romantic relationships, etc. that have changed a lot. Maybe we don’t talk anymore due to space - figurative or literal - but those relationships are fundamentally different than they were. At some points it’s been hard to not feel like a failure or unsure about leaving things different in the past - maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough to stay in touch, maybe this person was more important than I’ve let them be currently. Despite all the uncertainty I am sure that in coming into adulthood your relationships with everyone will change. If you don’t want them to, it’s on you to figure it out but the changes shouldn’t be a bad thing. Those college friendships were important when they were & its ok if they’re not the same now.

No one knows what they’re doing. The biggest scam of our lives is that we’re told or assume growing up that adults know everything - have all the answers, know the recipe to happiness & success. But truth is no one knows what the fuck they’re doing & we’re all just chilling on a planet going day to day hoping our educated decisions & shots in the dark make our lives ok! Don’t ever feel bad about not knowing what you’re doing - no one does.

It always has - and always will - take a village. I absolutely hate that our culture has come to expect everyone can do everything on their own. The idea of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps & self-made whatever is a load of BS. It takes a village! To learn, to grow, to love ourselves and others. In your life you will need a caregiver, a mentor, a friend, a lover - the list goes on. We were not made to do anything alone or by ourselves. Ask & seek help - offer & give help.

Not every loss is a loss. This lesson I learned a pretty painful way while in college after a stressful & emotional month or so of higher ups kicking out a ton of people from my sorority. While I’m not here to drop tea on that (maybe another time?) I can say I learned not every loss is a loss. I had a friend or two who was kicked out and it hurt at first. Like really freaking hurt. But looking back it allowed them to spend their time differently, find what they loved and do some pretty kick ass things. Additionally in that situation there were people who really needed - for one way or another - to not be apart of things and in some situations I really think it ended up benefiting the larger whole. If this explanation doesn’t work for you, think of it as closed doors sometimes bringing you to much better open ones!

If it won’t matter in five years, don’t let it matter longer than 5 minutes. I got this advice as a freshman in college from a much wiser graduating senior and it’s stuck ever since. I am someone who dwells - hard core - on all sorts of things. What ifs, whys, etc. and this really works as my mental check to have an appropriate amount of time in my head, thinking and feeling but also knowing when it’s time to move on. If you struggle with similar things I recommend implementing this as a mantra of sorts.

Life is a whole lot of grey. Whether it’s because I’m a type 1 or just because it’s how I’ve always been wired, I really often look at life & its complexities in black and white. Very recently certain life situations, relationships and experiences have pushed me to realize there is a lot of grey in our experience as a human. While this has been terrifying its also helped me have a little more grace with myself and others - past & present - and is something I think is really important & came just in time for year 23!

Travel, travel, travel. While I realize this is something that is not always accessible to everyone & I do hold my experiences as a privileged I can’t say enough how important it is to travel. To travel with people, by yourself, as often as possible, to places unlike your own. In college I visited over 12 different countries and in the US have traveled to over 25 states. In all of these travels I’ve learned incredibly valuable lessons, like how to put snow chains on your tires, the kindness of (most) strangers, the reality of life for all sorts of people from the wealthy to college students abroad to refugees escaping hell. I know for a fact those times traveling - the good, bad and especially the ugly - have made me a better, more knowledgeable and kinder person.

Apologizing for something doesn’t take anything away from you. This one right here is from T Swizzle and damn this is some wisdom. I am a stubborn, stubborn person and apologizing to me (also highly competitive) for a lot of my life felt like some concession that hurt me. Looking back, it’s kinda dumb and immature to think that way. Ever since reading this tidbit from Taylor I’ve put it into perspective and while I don’t have hard, factual data I would venture to guess I am even more likely to apologize now than I have been my whole life. I can speak from experience this is very true and in fact, not a single apology has taken any thing from me yet.

Celebrate what excites you. If you’re stoked for something coming up - talk about it, make a countdown calendar, be excited! I think a lot of people believe growing up means not finding & expressing joy about what excites us and thats some sad, cold, heatless BS.

Clothing sizes are a scam. Having worked in retail for one of the largest retail companies in the world with in house & out of house brands I can tell you sizing is bullshit and should, in no way, determine how you value yourself or others. If you wear a 12 at one store but a 8 at another and maybe a 16 somewhere else - rock it sister. Worrying about this is a waste of your time & joy.

Listen to Podcasts. I really did not get the appeal of podcasts until this year because I thought they were something stuffy adults did but honestly they’re awesome and really help you remember that out there is someone who loves what you love, can answer the questions you’re dying to have answered and teaches you something new! My personal favorites are Lore, Goal Digger & My Favorite Murder.

Just GO FOR IT. I mean - make a plan, get the education & details - but freaking do it! This year I decided in July I wanted to really start taking blogging, content creating & learning all I can about social media seriously. I sat down for about a week straight every night making the plans - how I’d finance things, how I’d launch, what I’d do, etc. - and come later on in the summer I made it happen. I started trying to put as much as I could into what I did and did things super out of my comfort zone. I still have so much to learn, accomplish and do but at the end of it, I know I’m happier having done the damn thing & failed or messed up a time or two than to still be wondering what if.